Are You Afraid of Falling, Failing & F*cking Up?

As Originally published by Over the Moon Magazine 

Are you afraid of falling, failing and f*cking up?

These fears used to run my life so much that I missed my life.

My solution came to me in the form of my new years resolution two years ago. My new years resolution wasn’t to wasn’t to lose weight, to do yoga everyday or become more organized. I had learned the lessons behind those wishes years ago.

It was to lean into life.

It wasn’t about something I wanted to achieve, but instead it was about a way I wanted to be. It was about what the phrase lean in looked like, felt like and would mean for my life.

I wanted to stop pulling away from life out of fear. I wanted to spend less time in my head and more time in my heart. I wanted to take risks.

Like a spider, I had carefully woven a web of fear around my body. Though, I had already embarked upon the journey of undoing most of the self-woven web, I still felt held back and constricted.

Life was calling me to lean in. To experience it all. To feel everything. To risk falling forward only to get up again and lean in again. To trust so deeply that I didn’t need to look back to go forwards.

And it wasn’t about staying in the middle ground as a careful observer. A wise and graceful presence. No, it was to fully lean in. To potentially get messy but also to potentially soar. Not to stand tall or not to lean back but to lean forward enough so that I could possibly fall. But this time I would fall forward.

In the past I had allowed myself to fall back. I leaned away from life and sometimes I leaned so far back that I fell. But the difference was that I fell further away from life. I knew that leaning forward would hold the chance of falling forward but I knew that falling forward and backwards were two different things.

There is always good reason for leaning away but there’s always an even better reason for leaning in.

There was a moment shortly after New Years during which I felt a surge of vulnerability in sticking to my resolution. My initial reaction was to pull away from the moment, to get smaller and to form a careful and reflective web of thoughts as a barrier between me and the experience. I caught myself and repeated the phrase lean in and invited in the energy that this phrase meant to me.

Feel a bit more sweet child. Trust. You want this more than you are afraid of this.

I let go. My eyes swelled up with tears and I let tears stream down my face. A few moments later, the sides of my lips turned upwards.

When we lean away from the discomfort we equally lean away from the life supporting comfort that wants to wrap us up.

In every moment we can choose to let go and lean in. To say yes to life. To just take this step. To let the path unfold as we walk down it and to keep our hearts open, eyes clear, and jaw unclenched.

When we commit to leaning into life in little bits each day, we will look back months, years later and realize that it’s naturally who we are and what life is.

I know that life has given you reasons to lean back and that you may have felt that you’ve fallen backwards and maybe even been shoved to the ground almost unable to get up. But you did get up and you’re still here. We have every reason to lean away. Our hearts have been broken. Our worst fears have come true. The unspeakable has happened. We may have leaned into hell in the past but we mustn’t let that stop us from the hope of leaning into heaven.

We must trust that life will catch us even if we feel it hasn’t caught us in the past. Because it has it just hadn’t in the way we wanted or had hoped for.

In moments when we feel we cannot do it for ourselves, we must do it for the freedom and good of another. For the person on the other side. We lean in for them. I decided I wanted to welcome it all not only because I feared the life of its opposite, but also because I wanted to be apart of the spark that connects us all. Because if I held hands with life, with my partner, with all of the people in my life, and I started to lean forward, I would create a ripple effect.

I don’t want any of us to miss out because of our fears and because the fall, the failing, and the f*cking up is beautiful and those “f” words are just words. And because life will catch you *when* you fall and fail and f*ck up. But you’ll never know until you lean so far forward into it that you take the chance.

Here are 10 tips to lean in and let go of the fear of falling and failing:

1. Leaning in requires feeling versus fighting.

2. Leaning in requires courage and you are naturally courageous.

3. Leaning in requires beginning again second by second.

4. Leaning in requires letting the past go. Learn from it and then let it go.

5. Leaning in requires having a sense of and staying in faith.

6. Leaning in requires not worrying what others think about you but instead staying true to yourself as much as possible.

7. Leaning in requires embracing change.

8. Leaning in requires being open to and accepting of miracles.

9. Leaning in requires you standing up for yourself.

10. Leaning in requires you being here…now.

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